If You Could Stop Catcalling Me That’d Be Great

I don’t usually post things like this, because I try to stay away from controversy, but I’m upset and am not known for being quiet about what I believe in. 

Today I set out on my long run and at about 6 miles in had to come to a stop at a crossing train. As I approached the stop, I heard a man yelling to me from across the street. (He was also at the train stop.) And once I was at a full stop, I was able to better hear what he was catcalling. “D*** girl, you’re so beautiful.” And other comments of the sort, with some profanities interspersed throughout. I looked away and tried to put more distance between us. But it did not work. He continued to yell at me for about 30-45 seconds and I couldn’t take it anymore. I prayed to my guardian angel and yelled, “Please stop! That’s enough.”

And all the fury from hell broke loose within him. “Excuse me!? I’m giving you a compliment, you dumb b****!” He proceeded to face me from across the street and continue yelling profanities with his hands in the air. No longer catcalling me “beautiful,” but quite the opposite. And I had an internal moment of panic. Was he going to come after me? Did I just do something stupid? Should I have stayed quiet?

Enter a third character in this debacle – a man on a bicycle. The man yelling profanities at me decided to enlighten this man on the bike of my lack of intelligence and comparison to a female dog (trying my best to keep this post PG). And as the man rode past me, I said, “Do you hear what he’s saying to me?” I was visibly upset. But he just laughed at me and rode away as the other man continued to yell at me. The train had passed by this point and I ran away tuning out the man who continued to scream until I was out of sight.  

This may not seem like a big deal. He could’ve been drunk or on drugs and the man on the bike may have been clueless to what was going on. But a catcall is a catcall, and I felt extremely uncomfortable. 

The Moment I Found My Strength

But a little less than three years ago, I drummed up the little energy I had left in me and all of the courage I could conjure and walked into a courtroom full of people I didn’t know to face a man I had thought I was going to marry. Two months prior, something had flipped inside of him and things went bad. Real bad. He began stalking me, posting lewd and crude statements about me on social media, calling me incessantly, intervening in my family and friends’ lives to tear us a part, and somehow my tire got slashed during this time (we still don’t know who did it… but I have my guesses). I lived in fear every day during that time. I didn’t know what he was capable of and his actions and words were cutting me like a knife, slowly and meticulously. 

Time To Say, “Enough is Enough.”

After much prompting and many pleas from my family and friends to take action, I found a lawyer, and so ensued the longest week of my life. I filed for a restraining order, received an ex parte order, and waited until my hearing for a full restraining order. And then that day came. I looked at him straight in the eyes, looking at a man who I thought I knew, but at this moment realized I had been lied to time and time again. I tried to remain calm and cool as he shared some of my deepest secrets, threatened that I was suicidal (based on my history with an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression, which was not true), and claimed other obscene things about me (also untrue, might I add) to a courtroom of people… including my dad.

But I remained strong, and I walked out of the courtroom with the restraining order I rightly deserved, but I also walked out feeling a sense of strength I had never felt before. And I knew from that day forward, I couldn’t be quiet anymore. I couldn’t sit back as people used words to manipulate and threaten and belittle and harm others. I couldn’t watch another person spread such evil in the world.

So I threw myself into RunningMyselfTogether and created ARC Running, because I knew I was doubly responsible for making up for the lack of kindness that happened during that time. And I needed something to get me through the night terrors, the fear of going anywhere he could possibly be, and the constant questioning, “How did this happen? Why did this happen? How could he do this to me?”

I Won’t Be Quiet Anymore

And that’s why I can’t be quiet about what happened today. It may not have been the smartest thing, yelling at the man by the train and telling him to stop, because girl power and all, but men are typically physically stronger than women. But that was the chance I took, because some people can’t speak up, and for those who can it’s our responsibility to speak for those who can’t. And to love and support them. It’s not a matter of politics or religion. It’s a matter of right and wrong and good and bad.

And as human beings, put on this earth by God to love each other and Him, it’s our responsibility to care for one another.

And it’s our responsibility to forgive. So, man, who catcalled me and made me feel very uncomfortable today, all is forgiven, wherever you are. And to the man who put me and my family through hell during that time, I forgave you long ago. But now it’s your responsibility to do good in this world. 

Let’s be the change.

Have thoughts on how we can work to change this behavior? Reach out below and I’ll work to put together on blog post on running safely, while sticking up for what’s right. 

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