A Year That Didn’t Go As Planned

On 12/31/18, I came down with a stomach bug and spent the whole day in bed. I was passed out by 10 PM.

And it was then that I should’ve realized that this may be a foreshadowing that 2019 wasn’t going to go as I had planned.

It was a good, good year

As I reflect on 2019, and look back through the thousands of pictures I took, I smile. It was a year full of so many blessings.

I PR’d a half marathon.

I watched my best friends walk down the aisle to marry the men of their dreams.

I’ve spent a lot of time with family.

I’ve traveled all over the US. (San Diego, Austin, New York, Kansas, New Orleans, Maryland, Florida, Kentucky, South Carolina, and probably other places I’m forgetting)

I’ve given talks to wonderful high schoolers and young adults.

I’ve put out my running journal.

I’ve begun planning my pilgrimage.

I’ve taken on new run coaching clients who are soaring and accomplishing their dreams.

I’ve been on podcasts.

I’ve watched my beautiful friends become beautiful parents and have been filled with excitement as other beautiful friends announce their pregnancies.

I’ve grown in love and learned what it means to sacrifice for others.

I’ve watched loved ones flourish in God’s calling in their lives.

I’ve cried.

A lot.

I’ve found myself totally depleted, running to God for His everlasting mercy.

I have grown.

It was a year of growth

But it’s funny, because despite all of the wonderful and amazing things that’ve happened this year, my mind and heart kept going back to the things that didn’t happen that I was so sure would happen. And not only did they not happen, but what did happen pushed me to the brink of my faith. Those things taught me that I am not in control.

“No, really, Maria, you are not in control,” I’d hear the Lord whisper on my heart. But I didn’t really understand what He was saying.

So, I wrestled with it for weeks that turned into months. “I know I’m not in control,” I’d respond back to Our Lord. “But let me just try to plan the future a little bit.”

And He’d let me, because He is a patient God. He’d let me try to figure it out and work it out on my own. But when I would, I’d get more anxious, more worried, more unsure, and run back to Him, and lay it at the foot of the cross.

And He’d be there to hold me. To reassure me that He has me in the palm of His hand.

Then, like clockwork, I’d do it all again.

Friends, this was my year – a beautiful year full of so many memories. And yet often filled with my need to plan and control when I felt out of control.

Ironically, I didn’t realize this is how I was living until only a couple of weeks ago. You see, time and time again, God has been calling me to be patient and to rest in His plan, and in response I’d say, “Yes, yes Lord. You’re right. I’ll do that.”

Then there I’d go, on my merry way, back to my old habits.

Until one moment that I cannot even put my finger on, my heart and mind were opened. My worry floated away. And I had a mental image of myself falling backwards into the unknown, only to be caught by Jesus.

I felt no fear.

In fact, I felt surrounded by love and peace.

And that’s how I’m closing out a very controlled (on my part) year. I’m closing it out with surrender. It’s still a teeny tiny bit scary for me, because I love planning, but the love and peace of Christ far outweighs the fear.

Because you see, Jesus wasn’t lying when He said, “Peace be with you, my peace I give to you.” He left us with that and He meant it. And we have access to that peace, because He loves us and He wants us to be free from the painful grip of this world.

So, maybe my year didn’t go as I had planned, but now I’m praising the Lord it didn’t, because I have a peace that I never had before. I’ve learned lessons I never imagined I needed to learn. And I’ve been humbled to the point of full surrender to God.

He is so good. He is so, so good. His mercies are made new every single morning, friends. My prayer for you is that you trust Him. That you really, truly dive deep into His love and mercy in 2020, because once you do, all of your plans will feel like nothing compared to the wonderful plan He has for you.

Thank you for being a part of this RunningMyselfTogether community. I absolutely cannot wait to see what 2020 has in store for us.

Peace and love in this New Year,

Maria

P.S. – There are SO MANY other amazing events that were not pictured, because I didn’t have the space. And my computer is a piece of crap. Maybe 2020 will be the year I get a new computer. We can only hope.